slickaway's thoughts on the matter

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Back-up plan.

I am trying so hard to make this school thing work. I have nearly completed my first and most wanted application. I just need to mail in my transcript and then it is all up to the admissions people.

I want to get accepted. I want to move to Vancouver. I don't want to even consider any other options. Usually I am pragmatic and would consider all my options, lay out plans for everything and while I would hope for a certain outcome, I would also be conscience of the possibility of it not happening and would plan accordingly.

I can't see any other picture than the Vancouver one in my head. Actually I don't want to. Every time it comes up in I can't make myself think about it seriously.

I'm not entirely without a back-up plan I guess. I've researched schools in Ontario. I'm looking at two and doing applications for those, but I am not entertaining the thought of accepting their offers if I can get into my chosen school.

But I need to seriously start thinking about this. I'm going to do it. I map things out on here pretty well, so here we go.

I suppose, if I can't go to Vancouver, and I am accepted elsewhere, I will probably accept. I know what I want to do (for now) and I know that I want to start school again. I can't even imagine another year without school and living here.

What I really want is to just live in Van. Regardless of where I am accepted. I've been thinking that even if I wasn't accepted to the school I want, and even if I was accepted to the Ontario schools, that I would still go to Vancouver, and Conor and I would live together and I would work and we would go from there. Everything would be lovely, you know? Not that I had told my parents that.

But now, thinking seriously about it, I want to start school. I want to learn again. I want to experience this school life everyone is talking about and experience it properly.

So if I'm accepted to an Ontario school and not the Vancouver one, then I am going for it. Maybe I'll transfer the next year. Maybe I'll love that school. Maybe Conor and I really really wouldn't work out if I'm not there or maybe we would. I don't know. But I need to start my life whether it does or doesn't include him. I would rather it did include him, but I have a responsibility to my self first.

But if I'm not accepted anywhere then I am DEFINITELY moving out there.

I need a change.

3:19 a.m. - 2010-02-10

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