slickaway's thoughts on the matter

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'Not serious' means 'I can't believe I just survived that!'

I talked to Conor last night. I ended up texting him after he was finished school and told him to call when he had some time.

He called a few hours later and I told him that I was really confused about what exactly he meant by us not being serious until September.

And he explained that he didn't want to screw things up by having an actual long distance boyfriend girlfriend thing, and that he basically wanted that when we were away from each other that we would continue having what we have now. He said that he really wanted things to work and to be committed when I moved there in September, but that he didn't want to screw things up in the beginning stages like it happened with Alyss.

I understand that...but I also told him that he seems a little shell-shocked from Alyss, and that he probably needed some time since everything from that is so fresh what with her leaving only a few days ago.

I asked him if he meant we were free to date other people when we weren't together, and he said, 'No, that wasn't what I wanted.' which is exactly what I needed to hear. Because I was getting really freaked out by this 'not serious' business. I am basically moving my entire life and uprooting myself and he is supposed to be one of my only lifelines. The only reason I am not moving into a dorm for first year is because I have people I can live with, but if he was going to be jerking me around all year before that then I didn't want any part of it. I kind of needed definite answers to figure out what my plans were because he is a big part of them!

I also told him that I didn't like the idea of us saying we are together when we are in the same city, and then saying we aren't when we are apart. So what we are going to do is not call this anything right now. We would get together in February and before I leave we would figure out what we wanted to do. And I'm okay with that. He needs some time, and thats okay. It's not like we aren't talking or I've been frozen out. He just doesn't want to jump straight into another thing right away.

Basically we are together though. I mean as much as a long distance couple can be. We talk everyday, and we have travel plans together and we are basically saying 'I love you' (though substituting our own phrase) and I am planning to move out there and we will live together. I don't know how much more we can be an actual couple than we are now.

4:47 p.m. - 2010-01-07

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