slickaway's thoughts on the matter

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The situation is different now.

After I left Vancouver, I was able to give Conor up relatively easily because I didn't ever feel like he was mine. I knew he was almost 'on loan' to me. We were going to have our time, our fun, enjoy each other's company and enjoy the sex, and then that would be it. He would be Alyss's from then on out. Completely. And because I didn't know him so well then I didn't get worked up about the fact that he was in Monthreal, kissing her and having sex with her and saying 'I love you' to her.

Now is different. It doesn't feel like he is hers anymore. It feels like he is mine now. He isn't happy with her. He's enamoured of me. He said I'm perfect. He said he could marry me. He wants to live with me. He talks about finding a place and sharing a room. Not just a place, but a room.

So the thought of him kissing her, and having sex with her, and saying 'I love you' to her when she is in Vancouver over Christmas is heart breaking to me.

Right now I just want them to break up, her to refund her ticket, and for them to not ever talk again. But that is just me being very jealous. In a few days I will be fine if they just break up. Even if she still goes to Vancouver I would be okay with that, so long as she doesn't touch so much as a hair on his head. So long as she goes to Vancouver strictly as a friend, and the 'fun' they have is restricted to snowboarding and touring.

The situation is different now because the emotions are different. The fact is, before, I would have liked to be with him, but I was okay with it not happening. Now, I am half in love with him and not at all okay with them being together.

Isn't it funny how the situation is reversed on me and I am VERY not okay with it. How it was okay for me to do it to Alyss, but not okay for her to do it to me, even if it is unknown by her.

8:17 p.m. - 2009-11-08

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