slickaway's thoughts on the matter

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Not you.

I don't know how to say this other than I feel a little violated. Jessy and I got really drunk. We didn't have sex, but we did sleep in the same bed, and snuggled. And he had his hand up my shirt. Just on my back and stomach, but it still doesn't feel right.

At the time I didn't really care. I was just happy to sleep. But now I'm uncomfortable. He has tried to kiss me twice in two weeks. And I've said no both times even though I was drunk and wanted nothing more than to have makeouts with someone...just not Jessy. He has admitted that he has a crush on me and that he is very lonely, which I don't know how to deal with. I'm hoping that it will just go away while I am gone and not come back.

And I'm not uncomfortable with him. Just uncomfortable with the fact that someone I don't want, wants me and had their hands on my body in that intimate manner.

I just know that if anything happened between us, even if it was just a pity fuck, we wouldn't be the same. And he doesn't get that because I think he actually wants me. But I don't want him. Not in that way. He's a brother.

Even though we spent two drunken nights on that futon, and I could REALLY have used some sex, I couldn't make myself make a move on him. It just wasn't going to happen.

I don't want to be with someone just because I am lonely. I don't want to settle. That happened with Vishal and I won't have it happen again.

I want an actual relationship. One with someone that I can talk to, and that listens, and I can have fun with. Someone right for me.

I'm sorry Jessy. You aren't it.

2:31 p.m. - 2010-06-01

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