slickaway's thoughts on the matter

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He's someone's semi-salvation.

I've come to rely on this more and more. I need somewhere safe to put my thoughts. Somewhere that is not accessible to anyone I know. Somewhere, where people that would disapprove of my actions, can not read about them.

The hardest thing about all of this? The fact that I can't tell anyone here that I am no longer a virgin.

I really really want to celebrate with A, the fact that I have had sex and it was good. I want to be congratulated by J and S2. But I can't say a thing. So instead I write about it all in here.

I guess there is something in that. If I can't talk to a person about my news, then I tend to write more. I can't keep things inside and locked up. I have to share.

So here is my declaration to you all.

A, I have had sex. I am no longer a virgin. It was good, and it continued to be good. It was also with C. Yes. Your C. If he wasn't yours you would be so ecstatic right now...but he is...so you won't be.

J, S2, I know I made fun of you guys possibly doing the deed during camping, but guess what, I did instead. S2, you remember when you said, jokingly but with suspicion, that you thought C and I had sex that night? Well, we did. And J, do you remember when you came to the tent during the storm to give C his keys, just before you and S2 drove home? Well, we had just finished our first round that night and were basking in the afterglow in each others arms. It was lovely.

So listen up everyone! I'm screaming my words out and you better listen well. I slept with Conor. Did you hear me? I slept with Conor and when I'm with him I don't care that he is someone else's semi-salvation. I don't care that he is involved with one of my best friends. I slept with Conor and with the chance to do it again, I would, because I deserve a chance to be happy and enjoy life too. I deserve the chance to be with who I want to be with, and not just who is there and willing. I deserve to be with him just as much as she does.

Did you catch all that?

11:43 p.m. - 2009-08-06

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