slickaway's thoughts on the matter

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Just need to know why.

I'm in such fluctuating feelings and opinions. I don't feel like he is choosing Alyss over me anymore.

At the new year I texted him 'Happy New Years from the future!' (since I am living 3 hours ahead of him I joke that I am from the future), and got this in response.

'Hey I will need to wait to talk to you until Alyss leaves. I know you won't be happy about this but she is seriously affected by us talking while she is here.'

Not quite the response I wanted or expected.

We had talked for all of 5 minutes two hours before. Literally 5 minutes and she freaked out on him. That was the first time I had heard his voice since Christmas day and it lasted 5 minutes and she STILL had a problem with it. She told him it was alright to call me, but then flipped out later when they were getting food, left the restaurant, refused to go to the New Years party they were supposed to go to and wanted to change her ticket to leave today (though that didn't happen). They instead went home and he talked to her for however many hours until she calmed down. They stayed up until 12:05 am for the new year and then went to bed. That is how intensely she flipped out.

When I first heard that we couldn't talk until she had left I asked Conor to still send me the odd text or email. It was really so I could feel like he hadn't forgotten me. But then I thought about it the next morning and sent him an email saying to forget it and that we would just not talk, text or email until she was gone since it was easier for her since she felt so strongly about it, easier for him so he didn't have to juggle two girls, and easier for me since I wouldn't be sitting around waiting for him to call. If I wasn't expecting anything I would be okay because I wouldn't have to wonder.

And I meant it.

But then he texted me this.

'Sara. My sisters have alyss. If you have some time i would like to talk. I know what my text said but i really miss your voice.....if you are busy i'll just talk to lia you sound pretty much the same :P'

My resolve went straight out the window. Alyss was out shopping and he was free. We talked for a good 50 mins and this is where I learned about how his new years went.

I also learned that she asked him to sleep with her a few days ago. And he said no. And she got angry.

Anyway, what this all means is that I am no longer feeling all frantic and panicky. And I know what to expect. I thought before, that the only reason he wasn't calling was because he couldn't find time...but I also thought that was bullshit because it had been 5 days. And today I realized that maybe he was just trying to spare her feelings. Maybe...it wasn't about me this time. And that made things okay.

I just need to know why, and then I am alright.

12:58 a.m. - 2010-01-02

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