slickaway's thoughts on the matter

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Forte

Between Conor and Mark I have a huge gaping hole in me that is being stuffed full with all my screams, questions, demands and actual emotions. I don't feel them, I just push them away. I haven't cried about any of this. Sometimes I feel like I would like to, and then it just slips into the hole and leaves me alone. I'm not sure if I should be thankful or not. What happens when the hole starts to overflow? Then where does that leave me.

I'm being strong in this because I can't be strong in anything else. I can't run fast, I can't climb things, I can't hike for hours on end. My body is weak. I admit this. But my emotions. I atleast am strong in that. I have an iron fist around my emotions when it comes to things like this and I refuse to let myself break over something like this. Or two somethings I guess. Because I AM strong, and I cannot be brought down by something like this. I won't be.

If I start letting myself ask questions, then I know I won't have the strength to get out of bed. I won't have the strength to be around people. And the last thing I have left is that I am strong.

4:08 p.m. - 2009-09-02

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