slickaway's thoughts on the matter

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The last one, I promise.

What about Conor. What if he does think about me. I know he did before he left, for awhile at least. But what if he thinks about me while he's with Alyssanne, just like I think about him. I don't expect him to be weeping and sad; he's in Montreal with his girlfriend after all. But does he compare our time and their time together? Technically we would have been together for about the same amount of time, and wouldn't it be natural to compare?

What I really want to know, when they have sex, does he ever think of me?

I should leave it at that. No I should never have written that at all. But I can't. I am thinking it, and it has to come out.

When they wake up in the morning together, does he ever flash back to the tent after the storm? When they are walking down the street together holding hands and kissing, does he ever think about riding up Whistler mountain with me or walking through the village? When he is watching movies with her, does he remember how many times we tried to watch Forrest Gump but couldn't stop kissing eachother and how that led to other things everytime, or how Watchmen took the back seat to kissing him and how the end of the movie ment we could finally go to my room? When they are in a car together, does he think about Car-Lotsa-Fun and just how much fun it is to drive fast and kiss in the dark and stop at random waterfalls? When they are swimming, does he remember everytime we have been in a pool, or river or ocean together? Does he remember how I decided we needed to swim in the ocean just because? Does he remember how the tide nearly drenched our backpacks, or how refreshing it felt, or how we kissed and talked and waited for our clothes to dry on the log? Does he remember how we talked and laughed on the rocks, how we made fun of Jessy and Sarah, and talked about Brian and Alyssanne and asked eachother 'why them?'? Could 'why them?' really have meant, 'why not me?' on both our parts? When they are walking through the city, does he think about walking through the forest with me? When it rains, does he remember kissing me in the rain, does he remember being in the tent in the middle of that storm, does he remember just how nice cool wet skin felt.

When he is pressing into her, does he remember how I twitched in response to every move he made in me? Does he count out the times in one night he makes her orgasm, like he did with me? When they are in her room with only three walls in what she thinks is not a lot of privacy, does he smile on the inside and remember no walls in the middle of the living room or thin walls in a tent?

All these things I think about. But does he? Does he compare the open and free thing he has now, to the secretive and controlled thing we had to have out of necessity. And how does it measure up?

5:31 p.m. - 2009-09-02

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what came before - what comes next